One of the predominant rules of dating is that if you are tired of the other person, you cannot simply call and dump. It would be too cruel. So people have tried to make workarounds so as to make the entire episode feel less painful. The cliché “let’s be friends” lines, “I really like you but as a friend”, “I’m crazy for you, but I don’t think I’m suitable for you, so let’s be friends”, always works like a charm. But let’s be realistic now, two people who have been lovers just cannot be friends. You can either be lovers or friends but you just cannot mix the two recipes. Yet, when it comes to marriages, an entirely different rule applies. In a marriage, everyone wants their spouse to be their best friend.

So what is it that makes you crave for a friendship in a marriage but not while dating?

If you evaluate all the marriages, broadly you can classify them under two categories. One the one hand are couples who have complete trust on each other. They share each and everything with each other, even their friend circle is common. You can say that they are simply inseparable. Their relationship is driven predominantly by communication and not sex. So what do they lack? On the outside one might say nothing, but inside the bedroom the story is entirely different. Their desires lack passion. They can connect very nicely with words but when it comes to undressing in the bedroom, either a book comes out or television is switched on. The lovemaking is calm and not wild like fire.

Then you have couples who are great in bed but lack the intimacy of thoughts. Their lovemaking is passionate, fierce but their communication is filled with fights and arguments. Moreover, when they need to talk to someone, they would prefer their outside friends especially ones who are not common. They usually make up for all the argument with passionate sex. There is nothing wrong with such a relation, but then is there a relation in the first place? Eventually when the sex drive dries out, what would be the fate of such a marriage?

When I think about both the scenarios, either of the marriage does not have the success formula to last long. You cannot have sex all the time, and you cannot just keep talking all the time. Any marriage needs to have the right potion of both aspects for the magic spell that can make them live happily ever after. Any successful marriage therefore must have both the ingredients of passion and intimacy. I suppose the key is to connect with your partner emotionally during sex. The honeymoon period does not last long and thus, a marriage needs two people who can talk and exchange thoughts and not just use the mouth for a great kiss. The right companion should be someone who can not only take you to the highest levels of excitement but can also grow you emotionally and intellectually. He/she should not be someone with whom you can not only rush to the bedroom but someone with whom you can build a home.

I guess even God planned a way to make humans develop a relation with both intimacy and sex, I suppose that’s why women have their menses so that during those 5 days the two people can connect emotionally and not sexually.

So, how is your relation, are you friends with your spouses or lovers?